When I think about the time i have left of my youth I can't believe it's almost over. I mean high school is almost over. Seeing the same people over and over again day after day is almost over. So much for having a long term relationship. So much for have those few best friends you keep through out the years. I have friends that have all of this and I'm proud of them. You know not many people read this, I'm not even sure anyone reads this, but I'm so lost in my own thought process sometimes. I want so many things for myself and I can't even get a hold of what type of bread I want for the week. I'm so lost in everything. How did everything get so complicated? Everything is so advanced now. I don't even know what to do with it all. I'm not sure what to feel about this guy I like. I'm not even sure what my English paper topic should be on. Everything is just so, so out of control. I get jealous so much about almost nothing. I overthink everything..everything. I honestly feel bad for my future husband, that being said i can actually tie a fellow down to marry this crazy firecracker of mess. Whatever i just think so much i have no words to write anymore. I hope god or who ever looks out for me lets me be happy soon about anything and everything because i overthink everything and then before i know it, there is nothing there to overthink.
wishing well- moon
Thursday, August 27, 2015
I mean i know that my generation is screwed. Like who doesn't know that? You can tell just by looking at us that all we are good for is the simple taps of repetitive likes on any social media we can get our hand on. But even after i can see all this and think it is so bad i still ask for the newest and more advanced piece of technology. I mean i knew all of this but i was completely overwhelmed with the feeling of astonishment when i saw the sight of my own mom knowing the same thing i did. When she looked me straight in the eyes and told me how messed up and to put it blandly, how much we sucked. If i am being completely honest i can't disagree. I mean if you saw me right now i'm sitting in a half way dimmed room practically getting a tan from my laptop screen. I guess, i really hope it changes.
xoxo miss moon
xoxo miss moon
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
Je pense que, parfois, nous avons vraiment ne demandons pas pour rien . Oui, je suis une de ces personnes qui croient au karma , le destin et d'autres comme ça . Je pense que cette chose arrive pour une raison et je pense que les gens rencontrent des gens pour une raison. Je sais je sais , ce serait fou de parler à certaines personnes . mais il est réel. Je me sens de cette façon. Je ne sais pas plus ce que je pense maintenant l'écrire. il est frustrant . Je suppose que je vais continuer à qui jamais reqading cette mise à jour .
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
If i am correct i think all girls and or guys have that one friend in their friend group that they like at least a little. For me there is this guy, super cute and funny. Last i checked my feelings were reliable to me. I never really questioned them. I think it is funny how you don't really care about what happens to them as long as it passes your standards. What i mean by that is my friend, she in currently in a relationship that is more than romantic. They have a very intimate relationship. Which i think is crazy because we are only 15, but whatever. So anyways this guy, we are both single and i let my mind wander of to a place that was seriously dangerous to my metal health. I let myself think that he liked me and we could date and it was all great. This is where it really starts to heat up with the disapproval jealousy and a way too stressful two nights...I like to hang out with him because he is really fun and all the things that made me like him in the first place. Anyways, he was one of my friends that came over for a camp out that i was hosting in my back yard. The night was full of laughter and memorable moments we would continue to remember for a long time. When the clock reached 1:45 am everyone decided to get into tents and turn in for the night. The way everyone was laying, him and i where very close. one thing lead to another and we ended up holding hands and cuddling. After maybe 15 minutes of late night sighs and tired bodies laying with each other, i recognized he was moving his head closer to mine. Then stupid tired me did the same by looking up, and sooner or later our head came together like a missing puzzle piece and our lips touched. After about 3 seconds we both nudged back looking at each other. With the flames of the fire crackling and lighting the tent up ever so slightly, I kid my self thinking that he actually liked me, the look he gave me. That maybe i found the real thing. Not like "love" but i wasn't really sure what it was or what it could develop into. So the rest of the night we spent cuddling with my head on his shoulder and his arms rapped around me. The next morning i woke at 4:10 am due to lack of sleep on a tents floor. I spent about 3 minutes trying to untangle myself from the mess i was under. I stood up and the second i did, i tried to step over about three people and make my way out of this humid hot cuddling fest i had managed to get into. I got some tea and my book and was reading outside thinking it would be like the movies and he would come out and talk to me. But no, that is not what happen. I read for awhile until i heard the shhhing peeps that cried out in the morning silence. It was him and my friend that was in a relationship that i wasn't ready to have until i was about 25. I was so confused, him? and her? I thought maybe it is the morning and they are close friends, and she knows i like him, she wouldn't do anything to hurt me. I was wrong, so terribly wrong. I waited until everyone was up and some else sparked interest to talk about last night. Him and i, kissed, So of course i wanted to talk about it in a manner where i didn't sound needy. But the topic never came up. Later that day we made our way to Zaviers house for yet another night all together. Me being stupid and way too hopeful i thought maybe he was excited for another night in the same way i was. He wasn't he was excited because my friend was going. The one who has a loyal boyfriend. I should have seen it coming. I started to know this when she wouldn't let me near him always coming close and interrupting us on purpose. I started to watch their behavior together. And the constant foot touching and the "blah blah come with me to get a blanket. and do this and do that." was setting a uncomfortable feeling. I just wanted to be by him, and he just wanted to be by her. of course it hurt like hell hearing him telling me to switch seats during movie hour with the guy next to me. And it also hurt like hell when her and i were getting change and she told me they kissed and then just like that the constant flirting made sense. I wanted to die. I had told her that i liked him and now the girl with a boyfriend wins once again when it comes to guys. It was humiliating. Thinking a guy like him could like a girl like me. But the real person i hurt for was her boyfriend, she always get her way even when it came down to cheating on something she said she loved the most. I will always like this guy a little but after all this, i lost a best friend.